Chris Rock at its best: Stand up Comedy about society, daily Life, America and Relationship.
Here hes talking about how hard it is to defend Rap Music and Hip Hop today.
Also mentioned: Tupac, Little John...
subota, 29. rujna 2007.
Chris Rock about Rap Music
Bad Luck
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck".
Steven Spielberg Quotes
He reminded me a little of Walt Disney's version of a mad scientist.
-- (on Star Wars Director George Lucas)
The most expensive habit in the world is celluloid, not heroin, and I need a fix every few years.
-- (Time, 1979)
Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Why not use the dollar for a bookmark?
I dream for a living.
Once a month the sky falls on my head, I come to, and I see another movie I want to make.
Failure is inevitable. Success is elusive.
Robin Williams Quotes
Spielberg is so powerful he had final cut at his own circumsision.
Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.
[Before opening an envelope for best supporting actress]
I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, `Back up, I don't know how big this gets`
-- (at the 71st Academy Awards)
[on Michael Jackson]
Honey, you gotta pick a race first. All of a sudden you're a black man, then you're Diana Ross, now you're Audrey Hepburn. Then he's got the little beard going on. He's like Lord Of The Rings, the entire cast. Michael's about to jump species.
Ah...so many pedestrians, so little time...
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
-- (from Mork and Mindy)
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Woody Allen Quotes
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
I am an only child. I have one sister.
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
-- (Hollywood Ending, 2002)
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
-- (Hollywood Ending, 2002)
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
-- (Crimes and Misdemeanors, 1989)
Bill Cosby Quotes
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on-a-rope.
A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
When you become senile, you won't know it.
Albert Einstein Quotes
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all art and science.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Example isn't another way to teach, it is the only way to teach.
Human beings, vegetables, or comic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible player.
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -how passionately I hate them!
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
srijeda, 19. rujna 2007.
ponedjeljak, 10. rujna 2007.
subota, 8. rujna 2007.
Believe It Or Not 3
The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
The sentence, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
You share your birthday with at least nine million other people in the world.
Rowan Atkinson Live: Welcome To Hell
Rowan Atkinson's sketch about the Devil Welcoming People to Hell.
petak, 7. rujna 2007.
Believe It Or Not! 2
If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the '30s lobbied against hemp farmers, they saw it as competition.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Starfish haven't got brains.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
Top Ten George W. Bush Moments
David Letterman's Top Ten Bush Moments from the White House Correspondents Dinner, April 21, 2007.
100 years ago....
A lot of this is applicable to our grandparents, and even some of our parents.
It May Be Hard to Believe That A Scant 100 Years Ago...
The average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the United States had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was ten mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the twenty-first most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
The average wage in the U.S. was twenty-two cents an hour. The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2500 per year, a veterinarian between $1500 and $4000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the United States took place at home.
Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason, either as travelers or immigrants.
The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were: 1. Pneumonia and influenza 2. Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
Drive-by-shootings, in which teenage boys galloped down the street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy, were an ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was thirty. The remote desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and their families.
Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn't been discovered yet. Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
One in ten U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Some medical authorities warned that professional seamstresses were apt to become sexually aroused by the steady rhythm, hour after hour, of the sewing machine's foot pedals. They recommended slipping bromide, which was thought to diminish sexual desire,into the woman's drinking water.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.
Coca-Cola contained cocaine instead of caffeine.
Punch card data processing had recently been developed, and early predecessors of the modern computer were used for the first time by the government to help compile the 1900 census.
Eighteen percent of households in the United States had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
četvrtak, 6. rujna 2007.
100 Person Flashmob Randomly Chasing After People
This TV-show name is "Tensai Takeshi no Genki ga deru Terebi" (TV taking heart with Genius Takeshi, known as Genki TV). TV host is Takeshi Kitano.
This clip is called 'Troop of One Hundred', where a 100 people chase after random strangers and you see their reactions. Totally harmless but their reactions are priceless.
For a translation of what they're shouting (thanks Digg):
- For the 1st and 2nd guys, they shout: "Here come the tsunami!!" (tsunami da!)
- For the 3rd guy they shout: "it's that guy!!" (aitsu da!)
- Nothing for the 4th guy
- Last scene: "Heads up! (danger)" (abunai!)
Thanks goes to blueroses5327 for further clarification.
srijeda, 5. rujna 2007.
Ever wonder?
Ever Wonder?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Believe it or not!
Believe It Or Not!
A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
All Polar bears are left-handed.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten.
Cat's urine glows under a black light.
China has more English speakers than the United States.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
I am. is the shortest complete sentence in the English language
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
utorak, 4. rujna 2007.
Transformers Cell Phone
Check out this amazing transforming cell phone - created to promote Transformers, The Movie
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy cold winter. They both had jobs, and had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address and sent the e-mail without noticing his error.
In the mean time:
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been "called home to glory" following a heart attack (died and gone to report in heaven). The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from family and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've arrived!
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
Deaf genie
This man walks into a bar with an old shopping bag in hand. He sets the bag on top of the bar and pulls up his stool. The bartender comes over and asks what he'll have to swill. As he states his preference, something in the bag is moving around shaking the paper bag. The bartender gives a puzzled look but proceeds to the tap. As he's filling the mug, he looks at the bag again and sees that something is still moving around in the bag. He brings the beer over and places it in front of the man.
His curiosity gets the best of him and he asks the man what he's got in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little piano and sets it on the bar... the bartender looks intently at the piano as the man again reaches into the bag... pulling out a small piano bench. He places the bench in front of the piano and again reaches into the bag pulling out a foot tall man. The man sits at the piano and begins playing.
The bartender says,"wow, he sure can play the piano,where'd you get him?"
The guy looks at him and again reaches into the bag and pulls out a genie lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says, "Here, go ahead, rub it.."
So the bartender says, "Is there a real genie in there?"
The guy says, "Yes, just rub it and see."
So the bartender says okay and begins to rub the lamp... and out pops this beautiful genie.
She says,"I will grant you one wish, and one wish only."
So the bartender ponders this for a moment and says, "Okay, I'd like a million bucks."
The genie disappears.. and they're both waiting and waiting and nothing happens. They both look at each other and shrug their shoulders. Then a minute later a duck pops up at the end of the bar. They both look at each other, very puzzled, and then another duck appears... and another, and another.. and it continues.
The bartender looks at the guy and says, "I think your genie is deaf. I said I wanted a million bucks not a million ducks."
And the man says, "Yes, I know, do you think I wanted a twelve inch pianist?"
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